18 March 2012

Six Foundations of True Friendship



1. Disdain of Possessions - You cannot love worldly possessions more than you love your brother.  To be a true friend you must love your neighbor.  See Matthew 12:31.

2. Humility - Submit to your neighbor's point of view rather than your own point of view.  See John 6:38; Matthew 26:39.

3. Submit to Love - All things useful and necessary must be subordinated to love and peace.  See Psalm 118 (119):165; 2 Corinthians 13:11; Ephesians 6:23; 1 Thessalonians 5:13.

4. Cut off Your Anger - You cannot get angry be it justly or unjustly.  See Matthew 5:23-24.

5. Calm Others' Anger - Calm a brother's anger, even if it is unfounded.

6. Reflect on Death - Constantly remember your own death to eliminate annoyance of heart and repress sinful passions and actions.

We must simultaneously possess all six foundations in a relationship to maintain true friendship.

"Whoever holds to this, therefore, will neither suffer nor inflict the bitterness of anger and discord.  But when these things are lacking, as soon as he who is jealous of love has gradually injected the poison of annoyance into the hearts of his friends, it is inevitable that, little by little, with frequent quarrels and an ever more lukewarm love, he will finally separate the hearts of those who love one another, which have over the course of time been sorely hurt." - Abba Joseph (The Conferences: 16.6.3) 

The goal of friendship is to "'outdo one another in honor,' (Romans 12:10) so that each person may ascribe more knowledge and holiness to his fellow and may believe that the height of true discretion lies in another's judgment rather than in one's own" (16.11.2).

How do we achieve humility in any friendship?  We submit to Love (1 John 4:16).  Every thought, word, and action must be submitted to Christ by constantly renewing our mind.  Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me.  We must remember at all times and in all places that "nothing is more destructive than anger and annoyance and nothing more beneficial than love" (16.7).

In order to obtain humility we must always remember that we will stand before God at the final judgment.  How often do we sin when we forget that we will be judged according to our works?  When we say, "Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die (1 Corinthians 15:32)!", instead of saying, "If you, O Lord, should mark transgression, O Lord, who would stand (Psalm 129 [130]: 3)?"  When we are presently aware of our coming judgment, we dare not sin.  As St. Silouan the Athonite taught, "Keep your mind in hell and despair not."  May all our thoughts be shaped by the fear of the Lord, so we may one day understand St. Anthony's saying, "I no longer fear God, but I love him; for perfect love casts out fear.”


"A faithful friend is a strong shelter; and he who finds one finds a treasure. There is nothing that can take the place of a faithful friend, and there is no way to measure his worth. A faithful friend is a medicine of life, and those who fear the Lord will find him. He who fears the Lord guides his friendship rightly, because as he is, so also is his neighbor." - Wisdom of Sirach 6:14-17
  
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one." - C.S. Lewis

"Let a friend be with you on every occasion, and let brethren be useful in necessities, for they are begotten for this reason." - Proverbs 17:19

“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.” - Aristotle

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...